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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26839081">After all this time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eropaola/pseuds/eropaola'>eropaola</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:35:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26839081</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eropaola/pseuds/eropaola</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Because it's always about you and me.<br/>It's always been you and me.<br/>And I love you. With all my heart.<br/>Even after all this time"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Lambert &amp; Tommy Ratliff, Adam Lambert/Tommy Ratliff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>After all this time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adam was singing.<br/>
And it was alone, wasted in that swirling embrace with his own music that he used to find himself everytime. He was thinking about how strange was living in that huge house in West Hollywood Hills alone. There were long hallways and rooms all around: he could have hosted friends, if they ever wanted, parents, love. He could have hosted Love. That love who used to smile at him in his bed, that love who slammed the front door in his face to remember him he was still alive. </p><p>
  <em>Oct, 2014 </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Are you going home yet? - </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- We can't do it, Adam. Not this way...- </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I need time, you know. It's not easy for me, media would go crazy! Don't tell me I am the only one to be frightened, TJ, don't tell me! - </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- If you need time, you'll have time. I'm out of the band - </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes he dreamt.<br/>
"Dreams keep us alive", he used to repeat to himself.<br/>
He dreamt about a duet with Freddie Mercury, he dreamt about his glass of wine empty, he dreamt that Tommy Joe never left the band. And his life.<br/>
Sometimes they also met again. They spent NYE'eve togheter after that sad epilogue and he found hard to not kiss his lips, to not touch his milky skin. Then it happened. After one or two bottles of champagne, he welcomed the new year loving his ex-guitarist more than everything else in the world.</p><p>
  <em>Jan, 2015 </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- A...Adam...Yes! - </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- It would be wonderful if...All this could last forever - </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- You know that I would come everytime you need me. But you also need space, you need to think if all this worth it - </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- How about you? - </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I...I don't think anymore. I only trust my instinct - </em>
</p><p> </p><p>But he didn't ask what Tommy's instinct had to say. Maybe he didn't need to ask.<br/>
Adam was the frightned one. He always thought that TommyJoe - a hetero man who loved him only during his entire life - one day would have replaced him with a beautiful woman. And he always thought that he wouldn't tolerate paparazzi and medias talking about them. But unexpectedly, the blonde man followed him in Las Vegas three years later just to see him performing with Queen, ignoring the presence of his new fiancé too.</p><p>
  <em>Sept, 2018 </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- He'll never have what we have togheter. He's just a young boy looking for visibility and I'm giving it to him just for media's silence... - </em>
</p><p>
  <em>- I believe you. That's why I'm still here - </em>
</p><p>He whishpered before they fell asleep toghether in the hotel room that Adam booked for that night. A room far from anyone. Adam's phone rang many times: his boyfriend, his friends and parents were asking where he was. But he didn't reply.<br/>
He was already at home, in Tommy's arms. Even in another country. Because Tommy was his home, he's always been. Even after all that time. He deserved to know it. But courage failed Adam. Again. And words too. Months slipped from his hands. And years. And his work. His entire life slipped. So he decided to drown his demons with the help of a professional figure. And he did it. He won.</p><p>
  <em>Feb, 2019 </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hi. I know you've been waiting! Well I'm finally ready to bring new music to all of you.<br/>
First: Let me offer a most sincere thank you for your patience and continued faith in me.<br/>
You’ve pushed me to keep going even when I felt discouraged. [...] I'm coming out of a dark period. I was lonely and becoming depressed.<br/>
But with a bit of professional help and the support of colleagues, friends and family, I pulled myself out of the darkness." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>After the rehab they've sent sms to each other to talk about their different political opinions.<br/>
Opinions that have became tangible opposite a coffee at the Seven Grand bar in Los Angeles, two years after they met in Vegas, two years after the oblivion.</p><p>
  <em>Sept, 2020 </em>
</p><p>Adam watches Tommy's beard, his thin fingers holding his cup of coffee and for a second he doesn't believe that could exist a better vision. He would stare at Tommy for hours, studying the details of his face even if he already knows them. This is the power of love, now he's sure. If he could describe love, he would paint Tommy's face.</p><p>- I know it wasn't easy for you to ask for help. You always love do things by yourself. But I'm happy you did it...-</p><p>- It's okay...I mean, past is gone. And so are worst moments. But now you have to explain to me why are you supporting republicans, TJ? Don't you care about civil rights anymore? -</p><p>- When did you start to be intersted in political, Ad? -</p><p>Tommy laughs. He laughs because he always loved their dialogues, their way to explain divergent ideas. And he loves Adam's voice when he pretend to be right, and Adam's cheecks when he smiles. He just loves Adam. Even after all this time.</p><p>- Umh, I started when you started writing bullshits on social media, y'know... -</p><p>- You're using them a lot, lately. You unfollowed me on Instagram, too! -</p><p>- Oh, you saw it! I just wanted attentions. Yours -</p><p>- Looking for me was the key -</p><p>- I just want to know why in these years you've built a character that doesn't own to you. You're not so. And onestly I was worried about the idea of looking for you because I didn't want to find another person, another TommyJoe. But I did it. I found you -</p><p>- You've built a fake character too. You've built fake relationships with people who only loved your money and your fame. I know you did it to protect me. But you hurt me twice. You're not so too, Adam -</p><p> </p><p>Tommy's hands reach Adam's face. His blue eyes can still paralyze him. Those eyes like deep blue sea. A tumultuous sea that makes sailors shipwreck. Because when you find the sea in a pair of eyes, you know you'll shipwreck too. And Tommy shipwrecks again and again before he resumes to talk.</p><p> </p><p>- I was tired about all that gossip, Ad. I was tired of living in the shadow. I was the toy-boy, the fanservice one. Media talked about us even if we didn't go out. So why being so frightened? I was so angry. So I started being the opposite of who I used to be, I started to believe in everything I used to despise. I also had a girlfriend, I wanted to let all people know I was moving on. But guess what? Everytime I see your name on my phone I can't deny who I am. And I don't want to do it anymore -</p><p>- And you don't need to do it. We don't need to do it anymore. We spent so many years following each other, believing we had to hide for what we had togheter. Because it's always about you and me. It's always been you and me. And I love you. With all my heart. Even after all this time, even after all the men and women we had, I've always loved you. I'll always love you -</p><p>- I'll always love you too, I always loved you. Because it's you, it's always been you, Adam. And I couldn't choose anyone else -</p><p> </p><p>Their lips collide.</p><p> </p><p>- Come home, TJ -</p><p> </p><p>Whispers Adam, and he doesn't need a reply from Tommy because he already knows what he wants.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Cause if I wanted to go I would've gone by now </em><br/>
<em>But I really need you near me To keep my mind off the edge </em><br/>
<em>If I wanted to leave I would've left by now </em><br/>
<em>But you're the only one that knows me </em><br/>
<em>Better than I know myself </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Adam sings.<br/>
And it is on TommyJoe's lips, kiss after kiss, that he definitively finds himself.<br/>
When he cums inside the blonde man, when he feels the blonde man holding tight his shoulders, he understands how wonderful is living in that huge house in West Hollywood Hills.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my first Adommy one shot written in English,<br/>I'm Italian and I'm still studying this language, so I apologize for any inaccuracies.<br/>Hope you'll like the story!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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